


Before "I love you"

by SakuraNeko



Category: DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: Fluff, Internal Monologue, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-02
Updated: 2014-07-02
Packaged: 2018-02-07 03:51:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1884300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SakuraNeko/pseuds/SakuraNeko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Koujaku thinks about how his relationship with Aoba has changed since the fall of Platinum Jail and tries to come to terms with his feelings for him.  Takes place after Platinum Jail and before he confesses to Aoba.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Before "I love you"

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting a fic, I hope you enjoy it. I tried my best to capture what I think Koujaku would have gone through up to his confession to Aoba. I really love this pairing, they are so adorable together.~

“Oi, Koujaku, I know you just got out of the hospital, but you don’t look so good man, is something wrong?” Beni asked as he landed on his usual place on his owner’s shoulder. Koujaku had just gotten out of the hospital yesterday after a three day stent.

“I’m fine, really,” Koujaku smiled at his AllMate. ‘At least physically I am…’ he thought as he contemplated the feelings swirling around in his head. From the moment Koujaku woke up in the hospital he had thought of nothing but Aoba and what had happened before the tower fell in Platinum Jail.

“Alright, if you’re sure. I can contact Aoba if you need to go back to the hospital,” Beni said in a worried voice. ‘Aoba,’ he thought happily, ‘he was the reason for me having these thoughts in the first place.’ In such a short time, Aoba had learned so much more about him, some things that Koujaku doubted he could have ever told Aoba face-to-face.

“That won’t be necessary, thank you for your concern,” he replied, laughing at how worked up Beni seemed to be. He really did appreciate his AllMate’s concern, but this was something that Koujaku would have to work out for himself.

It really felt good for once to have no secrets between himself and his best friend. However, reliving those memories with Aoba along for the ride had most certainly affected their friendship. Koujaku was so glad that it was Aoba, it could have only ever been Aoba that could save him from the bad memories. Aoba knew he had gotten out of the hospital yesterday and had even sent him a message on his coil asking him how he was feeling.

“Aoba…” Koujaku whispered to himself as he recalled the events that had taken place over the last month. His one true enemy, the one that started the downward spiral, Ryuuhou was dead now. He would always have these tattoos on his body, but Koujaku had made sure that it would never happen to someone else again. It was these tattoos that made him lose control in the first place, if Aoba hadn’t been there, he would have surely been consumed by madness and rage. He could have possibly end up hurting Aoba, he knew he didn’t have control over himself while in that form. That thought alone made his chest tighten. ‘I’m supposed to be the one to protect Aoba,’ he thought to himself, ‘but I came so close to hurting him that night.’

He was so grateful that Aoba had been there and that scrap was successful. Aoba had shed light on a very dark place inside of him. A place that had never seen light before, a place that was supposed to be forever locked inside of him. However, Aoba, who shone as bright as the sun, released him from the restraints of the darkness holding him there. While it was true that he could never really forget the heinous acts that he had committed, he also needed to forgive himself. Aoba had granted that for him and he would forever be grateful for that.

Aoba was his best friend, no he was more than a best friend. He was like a brother, his younger brother that he needed to protect. At least that’s what their relationship had been like when they were younger, before Koujaku had moved back to the mainland. He was Aoba’s hero, coming to his rescue when bullies teased him and comforting him. There was no way to know how Aoba felt after what had happened in Platinum Jail, they had only communicated via text since he got out of the hospital. Was Aoba just being nice, asking how he was doing? Could he ever be that close to Aoba again? It ate away at him thinking about how he had forced himself on Aoba when they were at Glitter. After that incident, things had progressed rather quickly and they hadn’t really had the time to talk about it properly.

‘So much for trying to protect him,’ Koujaku thought bitterly, ‘I can’t even protect him from myself.’ He wished that he could touch Aoba like that again, but this time with Aoba’s permission. He felt a fluttering sensation in his stomach as he imagined being that close to the blue-haired man. Was it lust? Did he lust after his best friend? No, he had certainly never viewed Aoba as just a quick fuck, their relationship was deeper than that. However, Koujaku could no longer deny that he had impure thoughts towards his best friend.

“As if he’d ever like me back!” Koujaku shouted out loud, frustrated by his own thoughts. His sudden angry tone had startled Beni, who had been resting on top of his head.

“You won’t know unless you ask,” Beni chirped, flying down to Koujaku’s knee.

“What? You really think so?” Koujaku asked looking at his AllMate for guidance.

“When have you ever been the type to sit on your laurels? Koujaku, you’ve had a fighting spirit since I’ve known you. This is about Aoba, right?” Beni, insightful as ever towards his owner’s thoughts.

“Mmm, yeah, I’ve been thinking about Aoba a lot lately,” Koujaku replied sinking back into his thoughts, “To be honest, I’m not even sure where our friendship stands, or if he even likes men.”

“Hey, this is Aoba we’re talking about, I’m sure he still thinks the world of you,” Beni puffed out his chest, “I’m sure he would appreciate your feelings no matter what.” Beni’s encouragement had given him some hope that he and Aoba could be closer. Admittedly, he had only ever felt attracted to women, he even remembered thinking Aoba was a little girl when they first met as children. However, he had never experienced feelings this strong for anyone, woman or not. He wanted to be Aoba’s comfort and be there for him, just like Aoba had been there for him.

“I think you may be on to something,” Koujaku smiled at Beni, “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” Beni said coolly. Beni’s pep talk had really helped, but how should he even bring this up with Aoba? Koujaku mulled it over in his mind, wavering between just telling him outright or skirting around the issue to try to tease out how Aoba felt about him first. He looked at his coil wondering whether or not he should message Aoba and ask to see him. ‘That would just be too nerve-wracking, not seeing his reactions towards me. I wouldn’t be able to tell if he really wanted to see me or not,’ he thought to himself as he scrolled through the messages he and Aoba had sent to each other.

He worried how Aoba would see him if he didn’t accept his feelings. ‘Is this really worth it?’ Koujaku wondered, ‘If I lost him as a friend…No, I don’t even want to think about how I would feel if that were to happen.’ If he was going to do this, he would have to be brave and face Aoba no matter what the outcome would be. In any case, if Aoba did end up returning his feelings, then something deeper could grow between them. Just the thought of that spurred him on.

Two days later, he had done enough thinking and waiting. He was starting to get antsy. He had to go see Aoba, just to know where they stood. To determine whether or not he should even reveal his feelings to the younger man. Koujaku decided it would be best to pay a visit to Aoba at Heibon instead of going to his house, just in case he needed to make a quick getaway. He left his house with his AllMate perched on his shoulder and slowly made his way to the junk shop. ‘Just try and act normal,’ Koujaku reminded himself, which was easier said than done.

“You got this,” Beni cheered his owner on. Koujaku grunted in agreement as they neared Heibon. He paused outside the door, wondering again if he could really do this, but he needed to see Aoba. He needed to see Aoba’s smile again, that wide, easy grin that gave him hope. He took a deep breath and opened the door in front of him, ready to face the man he loved.

Ten minutes later he left the junk shop with a promise of an evening alone with Aoba. “That went better than expected,” Koujaku beamed at his AllMate. Aoba hadn’t seemed upset at him visiting Heibon at all, and he looked happy about Koujaku coming over this evening. ‘I don’t know what I had been so worried about, Aoba is Aoba. Of course things had changed between us, but he’s still my friend,' he thought to himself as he walked back towards his house.

“I told you!” Beni exclaimed proudly, “Aoba wouldn’t just throw away your friendship, he wants to make it work too.” ‘Now I just have to think about how I’m actually going to bring it up with him later, this is the perfect opportunity, I can’t waste it,’ Koujaku thought, wondering just how he would phrase his confession to his best friend.


End file.
